The Top Ten Sports D-Bags of 2010

By Tim Naida

Ah… the power of technology. I’m currently blogging from the blizzard in downtown Cleveland. Why not? Not like I’m actually moving.

Recently E! released their Top Ten douche bags of 2010 list. The problem is, douche-baggery reaches farther than Hollywood and W. 6th. With that in mind here are the Top Ten Sports Douches of 2010.

10. Grady Sizemore

Mr. Sizemore is on this list for one reason: junk pictures. You can’t be sending pictures of the Sizemores out like that. What were you thinking? Props on Brittany Binger though. I lived next to her hillbilly cousin in BG. He would brag about her being in Playboy and being hot. He was right.

9. The dude who wore the Heat jersey to the Indians game

Look man. Cleveland just lost the guy they adored. He dissed us on national television. Lied to us for most of a decade. We’re likes to fight city, and we need somewhere to channel our rage. So what do you do? Wear a James Heat jersey to Progressive Field. Did you not realize these people were so crazy that they were still going to Indians games? Your lucky you only got showered with boos and beer.

8. Guys who say the Cleveland title drought is over

I stopped watching the WWE when I hit puberty. I’m told some guy named the Miz is the champ and he’s from Cleveland. I DON’T CARE. That has nothing to do with the championship drought here, and the joke is not funny. Stop saying this guy has ended the Cleveland title drought. You people would be #1 if there weren’t so many scumbag athletes.

7. Terrelle Pryor

Sorry Buckeye Nation. Sometimes you gotta smack one of your own. And TP needs to just shut up. You’re the quarterback at THE Ohio State University. Stop talking about playing basketball. You have a great tradition. Don’t call a former player a fake Buckeye. Wisconsin dominated you in a game where you weren’t a difference maker. Don’t call out your teammates when you didn’t show up. And definitely don’t say you are a better team when the Badgers manhandled you.

6. Cavs

I won’t waste too much time on you Cavs. Just know you had a chance to stand up for your city and you chose to bow to LBJ. Thanks to you, it’s time to Thunder Up!

5. Joakim Noah

Hands down the ugliest chick I’ve ever seen. Every time I see his grille I think “It’s bad man.”

4. Braylon Edwards

When you suck at your job, you should just keep your mouth shut. But that hasn’t stopped Braylon from calling out teammates and deflecting blame. To top it off, Braylon couldn’t find the high road if the map was tattooed on his forehead. He continues to take shots at Cleveland. Like somehow he can’t believe people would call him out for being a top pick who blew for most of his career here.

3. Lebron James

You all know the story with this doucher. The first NBA star to ever voluntarily play the Scottie Pippen role. For me to not put him at #1, people had to really offend my values and sensibilities. And these next two definitely did…

2. Ben Roethlisberger

When Eminem raps about rape and calls himself “Slim Roethlisberger,” that’s not good. Athletes live a lavish lifestyle, but apparently Ben prefers the bathroom to the champagne room. Incredible that he’s not in jail. I don’t care if the police couldn’t build a case. Something dangerous and wrong happened in that bathroom. This guy is such a douche that he doesn’t even need to be a Steeler for people to hate him. Being himself is more than enough. No means no Ben.

1. Tiger Woods

Arguably the biggest story in the history of golf, and it has nothing to do with golf. Tiger playing hide the hot dog with every skank in America. The funny thing is, people forgive athletes all the time. But the way he handled it just brought the circus on himself and his family. Some people believe athletes aren’t role models. Well tell that to the millions (AND MILLIONS!) of Tiger’s fans who bought into his brand because they believed it was wholesome. He fooled everybody, and is still defiant. For that, he is 2010’s biggest douche of the year.

Still stuck in traffic. Right now, consider Tiger keeping his slot warm for the snowplows that aren’t out.


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